The Daddy Issue
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2. No Birds, No Bees

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Listen, we need to talk. You may remember the birds and the bees, but just because a person loves a person very much doesn't mean one of those people is able or willing to carry a child. This week on The Daddy Issue we're talking to Sara Coster (she/her) from More Than Wished For (Meer Dan Gewenst) about LGBT parenting, and what options are out there for LGBT people - and how they work. ⁠So, get ready for the talk every queer person deserved to have but didn't get at school.⁠

In this weeks episode, we cover the main 4 ways in which a person can become a parent if they're not able to naturally conceive, that is via:

  • Adoption
  • Foster Care (although this is very different to being a parent)
  • Surrogacy
  • Co-parenting

⁠Each option brings its advantages and challenges, and may or may not be possible depending on where you live in the world: unfortunately, the rights to family for queer people are still incredibly lacking - only 17 countries in Europe according to ILGA Europes 2021 report on LGBTQ rights in the region allow joint adoption for LGBTQ people.

In The Netherlands where we are based, you may be surprised to find that adoption is for some people one of the trickier options. This is due to the fact few people put their children up for adoption and the fact that due to issues and abuses within the system: oversees adoption has been banned as of the start of this year. Surrogacy, another option also brings its challenges to Dutch people. Commercial surrogacy is outlawed here and while voluntary surrogacy is legal, you have to find your surrogate by word of mouth (or attending events like those hosted by Meer Dan Gewenst) with the same rules applying to sperm and egg donations. This is remarkably different from the regulated surrogacy you can find in the USA & Canada for example.

This week's episode serves as a crash course into parenting options: rest assured we'll be diving deeper into each one in every episode, starting next week when Sara Coster will be telling us all about co-parenting fathered by a gay couple.

Trigger Warning: This weeks episode discusses the subject of miscarriage. If you are struggling with this issue please seek professional help. We’ve included some links below which may assist you in this.

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